August 4, 2010

Why I Am a Protestant

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:59 pm by rantingsteve

I was raised in the Roman Catholic tradition. Long before my conversion experience, I came to reject elements of Catholic dogma, including the authority of the Vatican, the subjugation of women, and the traditional notions of marriage. Yet I remained a Catholic. I believed I, and those like me, could change the church. I believed the church is the people, not the Papacy.

In 2004, things started to change for me. I was still living in my home town, and still going to the church of my childhood. Every Sunday, something would happen that would set me off: a chance remark of someone, or something in the homily or service, and I would leave feeling so very angry, frustrated, and sad. I felt like an outcast in a place I once considered home. George W. Bush was allegedly re-elected, and things got worse. I would go to the nearby, more traditional/less political Catholic church for a while, but something had changed. As I was there, I was reminded of my own church growing up, and the whole experience left me feeling very sad and alone.

I had reached a point in my life where the Catholic Church was no longer meeting my spiritual needs, and I didn’t understand why until after John Paul II passed away in 2005. I had hoped that the church would embrace the ecumenical and spiritual needs of the modern world and better service the needs of the most oppressed and vulnerable. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was selected to be the next pope. The last man any of us progressive Catholics wanted to see become Pope. Yet what was more telling than this selection, or the relatively short time it took the Cardinals to make this selection, was the world-wide response. Catholics everywhere celebrated this decision. I realized that, even if the Catholic Church is the people, and not the Vatican, as I’ve tried to maintain for years, the vast majority of the people are with the Vatican. In the case of the Catholic Church, the two cannot be separated. The Vatican, after all, dictates who is and is not a Catholic. Actively disagreeing with the church on issues such as the ordination of women, reproductive health, or queer rights can result in excommunication, and the vast majority of Catholics think this is right.

In spite of all this, I remained Catholic, using many of the same arguments now used against me whenever I talk about why I’m no longer Catholic. I would still go to church, because I felt obligated to do so, and still leave feeling very angry. I had no idea why God wanted me to worship in such a way as to make myself miserable, but I didn’t really give it much thought.

July 4, 2005 is a day I will never forget. That is when God spoke to me in a most unexpected way. I woke up early because I was hosting a Fourth of July party for my family. I was listening to the radio, and I heard something in the news about the General Synod of the United Church of Christ that was going on that weekend. It caught my attention, because one doesn’t usually hear news about church polity on talk radio. They were talking about how today was the discussion and vote on the proposal to support same-sex marriage. I was so struck by this news, I went to their website, found out what time the discussion and vote was going to be held, tuned in to the live feed, and watched as history was made. The United Church of Christ became the first mainstream Christian denomination to support LGBT marriage. I was moved to tears, and gave thanks to God.

I went to my local Congregational Church the following Sunday, and joined a few months later. I felt like I was coming home. I was free to worship God with joy for the first time in nearly a year. I felt renewed in my faith. I finally understood what it meant to be born again, a concept I had previously associated with “crazy” conservative evangelicals. Most importantly, my experience in the UCC taught me that I can love even the most conservative of my sisters and brothers in Christ. Prior to my conversion, my loneliness, anger, and hatred was killing me. I am now liberated to be myself.

Ever since, I have attended UCC churches, and I am happy with my life, my Church, and my relationship with God. I am by no means perfect. I don’t “have it all figured out.” My church, like all human institutions — even those that strive to serve God — is also imperfect. And while I love my Church and my God, I feel no compulsion to win converts. I have many Catholic friends, radical, liberal, conservative and everything in-between, who still treasure Catholic mass and traditions. If they are happy and spiritually fulfilled, I wish them the best. I will always treasure my Catholic upbringing. At the same time, I had to acknowledge that my remaining in the Catholic church would have been disingenuous and counterproductive.

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